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The Beginners Guide To Acquiring A Soul

There are only two types of people in the world:

  1. Those who like the Beatles.
  2. Terrible human beings with no soul.
Now that I’ve made my position on this clear, you can continue reading, or declare that the author is an imbecile who is talking out of his nether orifice and go back to doing whatever it is soul-less people do.
Wait, actually, there’s a third kind.
The ones who haven’t been exposed to enough of the Beatles to decide.
If you’re one of those, then there’s hope for you yet.
The beginners guide to acquiring a soul. ( cue Ride Of the Valkyries)
The Beatles were and still remain the most commercially successful band in all of history. And yet, they weren’t ‘mainstream’, lame, or Justin Bieber. Not in their time. Not now.
Here are five reasons why.

All you need is love

From the opening bars from La Marseillaise to the slow fadeout, this song is a defining moment in human evolution- a time when someone finally realized and put to music the teaching of every major world religion. It was written by Lennon in 1967, and he intended it to be a revolutionary piece. He wanted to change the world. To a place where love was the most important thing. This is your first step in acquiring a soul- leave your cynicism aside and consider, wouldn’t the world just be better if all you needed was love?

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Let it be 

Another great sentiment, another brilliant song. The beauty of it lies in the fact that despite their formidable vocal talent, they’ve made this song something even the most tone deaf gorilla can sing along to. And empathize with. Watch out for the underrated and mind blowing solo by Harrison.

Here’s the original.

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Here’s perhaps one of the best covers. Chills guaranteed.

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Don’t let me down

Lennon’s agonized wail. You’ll wish no one had let him down. You’ll wish nobody would let you down. You’ll scream out loud with him. It’s so wishful, written at a time when the band was breaking up and all their lives were changing. And still it carries a note of hope that’s endured over the years. It’s the last song the Beatles ever performed together. It marked the end of an era, performed on the roof of the Apple building in New York City. The lads from Liverpool came a long, long way, and right till the end they believed and hoped.

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It’s been called the greatest love song ever written. Even if you’ve never been in love, this will make you wish you were. Even if you don’t believe in love (Refer 3
rd line of article) it will make you want to believe. And really, how many women wouldn’t want to be sung to like this. It’s not sappy. Just…real, you know. I know you’re a good boy/girl with family values and you’ll marry whoever daddy tells you to. But if you ever decide to rebel and fall in love and get cut out of the family inheritance and frowned on by formidable aunties in the street all that, dust off this song and listen to it again.

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With a little help from my friends

Right when you thought all I was going to write about love and stuff that doesn’t exist, boom- With a little help from my friends. Because it’s about friendship and isn’t gay. (For our younger readers: This word is confusing, but you’ll understand someday. Until then, stay away from fashion designers…) It’s about the finer sides of friendship. It’s just such an awesome fun song to sing. When you’re drunk at a karaoke, (For our younger readers: Alcohol is injurious to health and you should never drink. Conditions apply) or in car on the highway or just generally in a happy mood and your friends haven’t stabbed you in the back. Yet.

Associate it with the best memories of your friends.

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And now that you’ve listened, listen again. A few more times. If you liked how you felt, then congratulations- you’re experiencing the first glimmers of a soul.
Come back next week for more.
Or go ahead and explore the Beatles on your own.
If you didn’t enjoy the music, well. I pity you. Because, you know. People with souls experience pity.
I hope I never meet you.

Francis is our new columnist from VadaPaoland. He has immidiate contempt for you, but wishes you’d check out his blog:

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