Close this search box.

What if Kanye West is not Actually Retarded?

Kanye West, of imma let you finish fame has drawn flak from indie music stores on the release of his new collaborative album, Watch The Throne because of the signing of an exclusive contract with Best Buy.

Kanye West has often been regarded as a barely coherent neanderthal who somehow managed to stumble upon the TARDIS and fell our century ass first. We had our minds made up on him at early 2009 when he spouted gems like, “when the red shoes hit the runway, I was forced to change my name to Martin Louis Vuitton the King, Jr. Address me as such.”

Or when he decided that he was the reincarnation of still alive Maya Angelou.

Or when he decided to get his teeth replaced by diamond. 


In unrelated news, all muggers in Hollywood now have dentistry degrees.




The man dresses like he is being photographed by GQ magazine, even on the rare occasions that he is not being photoraphed by GQ magazine. 

It is incredibly easy to write him off as a deluded buffoon who managed to get rich in a Rebecca Blackesque quirk of fate, and has been incapable of controlling his verbal diarrhea on things beyond his intelligence ( being everything in the world except George Bush’s foreign policy) ever since.

But what if Kanye West is not retarded?

[youtube_video id=8oGeszKiwd0]



Clearly the work of an idiot

His album, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy,  has been called the “Sgt. Pepper of hip hop” and a “masterpiece” by critics. Kanye West has been making music for the last twenty years. Before they taped a microphone to his hand and those weird goggles to his eyes, he had JayZ and Ludacris belting out his numbers with astonishing regularity. If they mean anything to you, he has won 14 grammies and has over 147 nominations to his credit. 

This is also the man who thinks that he should have been in the bible.

The Bible, now with Ray guns.

The concept of the socially inept genius is not alien to us, but we are not used to seeing them rap about propane. Marty Balin, of Jefferson Airplane is often exemplefied as one of these troubled geniuses ( genii? ). Only these rainmen do not usually traumatise teenage pop sensations. Kanye West is Will Hunting, only his form of social awkwardness usually involves random rants and ragegasms.

He collaborates with JayZ on his new album, who achieves the impossible feat of being piss ugly and married to being Beyonce simultaneously. Within the next couple of weeks Kanye West will probably claim of belonging to an alien race from Betelgeuse, and being the reincarnation of Queen Victoria’s left kidney. But the album will be incredible, again, and none of that will matter.

Related Posts
Share this


Sign up to our

Get every issue straight to your inbox for Free

Subscribe now