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Autotune, and the death of music

Good music is dying. We are killing it. 

So Radiohead decided to alter their music convention in the last decade, Paul van Dyk’s music died out and David Guetta took over, Linkin Park shifted from roaring Chester Bennington centralized music to centering their music onto more worldly subjects. These changes have been criticized, these changes have been loved.

Radiohead hasn’t done anything noteworthy since the success of Creep, but in the blasphemy of changing from classic rock instruments to the popular new wave kind of life, they did go somewhere with Idioteque. We don’t hate them.

With a majority of people liking the works of Akon and Black Eyed Peas and such, a DJ like Guetta had to get noticed through some front, and so with them he has collaborated, and made their music infinitely better with his mixes. Sorry, Van dyk, should’ve thought of that. And we don’t hate him.

Linkin Park matured, so to speak, because nothing really keeps crawling in your skin, and paranoias mustn’t keep looking over your back. It’s simply not healthy. And screaming that much Chester, will definitely lead to resurfacing speculations about you dying of throat cancer. Bleed it out, dig deeper and throw them away, reflect on what you’ve done, and there’s a lot of less roaring. Thumbs up! We don’t hate them. Well, not all of us, anyway. 

Radio-heads!! Geddit?

You know what we should hate though? Apparently, music prodigy discoveries on YouTube. It has led to the disgraceful death of good new music and the success of meretricious purveyors of discordant dredge akin to the rise of Rebecca Black and the rebirth of Rick Astley.

Exhibit A: Justin Beiber.


Scooter Braun, could you have not waited till AFTER pubescence to discover him? When we find ourselves listening to a song and trying to decipher the gender of the vocalist, we now immediately know that it’s a work from the studio of pubertal Beiber.

Hooking him up with Usher, and then releasing ‘One Time’, should have been a one time thing. Why is Beiber not in school, and playing his guitar anymore? Because ‘me+you’ is not real Math and covers he did on youtube with his encumbering guitar are now history. With auto-tune and struggling R n’ B artists on his side, he’s out infecting the world with some unsightly disease wherein every teenager that lacks discretion on good music is singing, humming lyrics from the latest Beiber song. Every teenage girl, and I dare say homosexual teenage boys, are fawning and ogling over Beiber posters.

Beiber Fever has been a blow to the Youth of the nation, and is definitely compromising musical intellect. His fans aspire to be him, and have even succeeded at more traumatizing levels. Which brings us to-

Exhibit B: Rebecca Black


And much like every other blonde-hair loving, musically challenged American girl, Rebecca Black from California idolized Beiber and did a lot of hideous things to get some limelight. She has become the next music deconstruction artist, unleashed by the likes for JB.  If anybody sings about the days of the week it should be for the noble reason of educating kindergarteners. Not to annihilate any small amount of musical taste the intellectually compromised may have.

What we would need to be as successful as Rebecca Black:

  1. Auto Tune: Wonderful technology really. We all liked ‘Believe’ by Cher. Yes it was auto tuned. She used it to be the first to, and because of those dragging notes she has in her song. It also accentuates that captivating androgynous voice she’s got. Rebecca Black exploiting the technology of auto tune, along with her mentor JB (It’s a shame I’m using JB and mentor in the same sentence devoid of negation), goes to prove that anybody, can sing well, even a man, sans-inhaler trying to sing in mid-asthmatic attack, or a woman with her feet set on stirrups, mid labour. The rate at which young teenagers are hitting the music industry because of auto tune, the US government should really just tax auto tune. It would be a very lucrative implementation.
  2. Rich parents who are convinced we have no talent, and are well aware of the naïve and vulnerable ears of the general populace. $4000. That is all Rebbeca’s parents paid ark music company. Yes a music company did agree to make Rebecca’s music video. Which brings us to-
  3. A music company: That $4k caused ark music company to release the most painfully hilarious video we have seen in a long time. It is accurate though, the video is in complete phase with the lyrics, and least imaginative. They have tarnished that 14 year old girls life and they should be shut down. They have obviously overcharged Rebecca’s parents, because they have produced more trauma than joy, more criticism than appreciation and they have established the onset of music death. 

[youtube_video id=bduQaCRkgg4]


The News, autotuned for your pleasure

What worries me is, the classics we adore-The Doors, Queen, and all these other masterpiece creating musicians that have blessed our present with beautiful tunes to reminisce on. None of them have left any catastrophic pieces that have tainted our appreciation for music. But what of these novel artists sprouting up like weeds, feeding on lack of good judgment like parasites? Are the future generations going to look at Rebecca Black and Justin Beiber songs to reminisce on? God bless us, everyone. 

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