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The Songs That Should Not Be

Some artists really put the ‘sin’ in singing.

Over the years, many popular bands and musicians have released songs that ended up becoming hits, simply because the music was catchy and it made everyone nod along whenever they were played. Often, because these songs were released by ‘acclaimed’ artists, people may not have questioned the credibility of the song itself – but one really needs to draw a line somewhere. Loads of artists have churned out chartbusters, but after some closer hearing (or reading), I’m sure you will feel a sense of regret for having turned up the volume whenever these songs were being aired…

“Bad Man” ~ John Cena

Maybe John Cena has taken one too many punches to the head, or he suffers from a serious case of unwarranted self-importance. Either way, he cannot be excused for unleashing on the unsuspecting public such indefatigable insanity. Clearly, his personification of being a ‘bad man’ would make even the average terra-poricki feel like Rajnikant. If you think this analogy is a bit far-fetched, try listening to Cena’s attempts to establish street cred, as he gloats about roaming the mean streets of suburbia, threatening people with his bitchin’ rhymes. Future English teachers may even consider using the lyrics here as a sample for students to spot out and distinguish between various literary features. Subtlety and understatement being some of them, but certainly not irony. 

A few gems from this treasure mine:
“Y’all are lost for words like conversation on your worst first date”
“Punchlines – man, don’t even beg
I got knee-slappin tracks, y’all brusin your leg”

“I solve you, 357 long nose revolve you
Acid in your face, bad look, dissolve you”

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He’s a very bad, bad man indeed.

“Wish you were here” ~ Avril Lavigne

“DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!” ‘nuff said.

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“Vertigo” ~ U2


The music in this song is the biggest distraction – but perhaps that was the intention, after Bono penned his magnum opus for “How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb.” Trying to make sense of the lyrics in this song is guaranteed to give you vertigo, at the very least. Why the unnecessary Spanish? Fans may argue that this song, like plenty of other cookie-cutter crap that U2 has been dumping out over the last decade, is meaningful in its own way. O Rly?
“WooAAooo! WooAAoo! WooAAoo!”
“Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah… “
At this point, even the Yeah Yeah Yeahs might consider filing a lawsuit – but Bono could probably afford better lawyers, thanks to the money they’ve made from receiving massive airplay… priceless, isn’t it?

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“Fly Away” ~ Lenny Kravitz

Now here is a song that even the most seasoned trance aficionados would claim is repetitive ad nauseum. Though it begins with some catchy grooves and a funky-bouncy bass line, the lyrical content of this song shows that Kravitz seriously ought to focus on his songwriting instead of stuffing his crotch and/or giving even Govinda an inferiority complex in terms of being fashionable.  The first three stanzas sound like the relics of a poem Kravitz may have written or plagiarized in the first grade – seriously, what kind of ‘rockstar’ sings about flying away over trees and wanting the Milky Way and Mars – unless of course, he was extremely high at the time, and flew away from the studio in search of chocolate bars, accidentally (or purposely??) leaving the ‘repeat loop’ button on. If you think ‘repeat loop’ is redundant, wait till you catch an earful of this song.

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Other (dis)Honorable mentions:

“Mmmbop” ~ Hanson
“Speak” ~ Lindsay Lohan
Anything by U2 from “How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb” (they really shouldn’t have, in this case)
The list would go on, but I’d rather not. Because I will have manic episodes of depression for having rooted for such tripe myself, back in the day.


Cyd The Squyd is manically depressed as he writes this. Send him flowers Here.

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