No, we’re not trying to stereotype Pop as flashy and pink. The picture is merely a coincidence.
Looking back at 2011, it had everything that a year should have. Music-wise. Some pre-pubescent mangirls, some light bondage, people singing about weekdays, clothes pointy enough to hurt you…Whaa you say? We bring you the highlights, the lowlights and the $%$#^#$# of 2011. Read on:
TONIGHT (I’M F***ING/LOVING YOU)- ENRIQUE IGLESIAS:
Enrique has dropped all pretences of being interested in music and now just wants to make out with women. And just so the pretty featherheads don’t get confused as to what his intentions are, he spells it out for them. And just because his tweenage fangirls liked it so much, they had him make another, cleaner version, just so that their parents could jive to it as well. How considerate!
*Flashback* All little Enrique wanted to do was to make out. But his father put his foot down. “Cacahuate (peanut)!” he said, “You Parangaricutirimicuaro (funny spanish word), making out is no career idiota, you make music. Like respectable men you do, or I will ¡A galletazo limpio! (slap!)”
But little Enrique swore, that no matter how long it took or how many suspicious moles he had to get surgically removed, he would show his father, that music wasn’t much different from going at it with his ‘el garete’ (rudder shaft thing)… *Flashback ends*
BANG BANG BANG- SELENA GOMEZ:
Seriously, who’s letting all these kids put makeup and sing in public?!
Selena Gomez seems to have abandoned all hopes of making good music, with her new single Bang Bang Bang. Contrary to popular belief, that it’s about wanting to bang men in general, it’s actually directed at her ex-boyfriend (rumoured to be) Nick Jonas.
Ladies and gentlemen, her current boyfriend is – Justin Bieber! Of Course.
Now this profoundness of a song does not deserve to be dismissed so casually. Let us dissect some of the subtle nuances of her lines with reference to her present boyfriend, Justin Bieber! *Cackles in glee*
My new boy used to be a model
He looks way better than you
He looks way better than you”
Sweetie, you’re fighting a losing battle here.
‘My new boy knows the way I want it
He’s got more swagger than you’
He’s got more swagger because that’s how people at the rainbow land do it. With a swagger.
‘He’s not hiding me you know
He’s showing me off you know’
*At this point the author started to eat a newspaper lying next to her and was unable to go on*
REBECCA BLACK – FRIDAY
She’s sings about EVERYTHING. I think she sang about taking a dump too, but they edited it. You can’t talk about it in terms of music because even Score can’t be THAT pan- genre. The video has girls in braces and boys without facial hair. Nuff said.
THE STORY OF US – TAYLOR SWIFT
The highlight of this song is the video, in which Taylor acts like a mime, acting out every single word that she sings. But you can’t really blame the girl. Her fans are still ten years and puberty away from understanding how to read between the lines. There’s not much to it otherwise – boy girl meet, they make out in the library, they stop making out, Taylor’s hair gets messed up. Like, ZOMG!.
MARRY THE NIGHT – LADY GAGA
Why can’t this woman just get some help, man! We don’t want to watch her wearing pointy clothes and touching herself inappropriately! Make some good music, and we will listen. Maybe. No. Not really. The song is okay; the 14 minute video is the usual Gaga shindig. Very “arty” her fans claim. Sure. Like you can trust the Little Monsters’ opinions.
HOLD IT AGAINST ME – BRITNEY SPEARS
You know what! I am going to ****** hold it against her. For every single ounce of crap she threw at us – her music, showing up to sing it in her underwear (or without it, ugh!), her music, marrying random people off the streets, her music, her babies, her music. This song is SO soporific that you can catch a wink, wake up, and not have missed anything! Although, you would wonder just WHY have they suspended her in mid-air. That is when you go back to sleep, pumpkin.
Just in case I didn’t make it clear earlier, this IS a thoroughly biased list. The ones listed above were obtained through general consensus, however.
EVERY TEARDROP IS A WATERFALL – COLDPLAY
I can’t put Coldplay in a bad place. Even though they ripped my heart out and painted it in rainbow colours and stabbed it with a unicorn horn, I still love them. Once you get over the initial cringe, get past all those colours, and look at it as a pop song, instead of expecting Coldplay’s usual, it seems pretty great. It grows on you, and when you’re least expecting it, it hits you in all its technicolored glory.
STEREO HEARTS – GYM CLASS HEROES ft. ADAM LEVINE
Adam’s Levine’s voice actually makes the random black guy rap (the REAL deal, y’all) sound good! Enough to make the whole package a good listen. The production is tight, the video is brilliant. For me, the best things about this track are the lyrics, so beautifully metaphorical. Their video, equally awesome, is about them chilling, while their shadows have a good time. Also, just so you know, *my* shadow is tall, leggy and at a pool party.
‘I only pray you never leave me behind
Because good music can be so hard to find.’
FOR THE FIRST TIME – THE SCRIPT
The Script’s new single is everything you expect from The Script and more. Their music coils around you until you grudgingly start to appreciate it. Also, they say that “It’s all about going back to basics: drinking cheap wine, eating your dinner off the floor”.
Cheap wine I can understand, but why they are wanting to eat dinner off the floor I is not knowing…
Special Mention (Quite the Ugly)
S&M – RIHANNA
So NOW we know what really happened between Chris Brown and Rihanna. It wasn’t a slap of anger, it was foreplay!! Elementary, my dear Watson.
Random emo fanboy reader: Oh and Mahima solves another one! There’s no stopping this wonder who also happens to have such a great shadow!!!! I wants to have her babies!! * Takes off his shirt, runs around in circles and faints, while singing ‘Another one bites the dust‘*
Dear readers, don’t be fooled by the author’s name. This fiesty femme-fatale, who goes by the pen name of ‘Mahima Mathur’, is the mother of all memes and mimes within the Score Team. When she is not dabbling with Event Management and Publicity posts, she personally trains mimes, conducts courses for pet etiquette and runs rehabilitation for emo kids on the edge. Such philanthropy should be an inspiration to us all.