There were an astounding 107 odd Bollywood releases in the year that went by. This presents a whopping 107 OSTs too.
Choosing the top 5 good, bad and ugly soundtracks hasn’t been easy at all. Should they be musically good songs or songs with women wearing the least amount of clothes?
It was hard (!), but I made the logical choice – the skimpily clad women!!
Heh. Just kidding. I’ll throw in some good music here and there for old people and 5 year olds.
THE GOOD
1) SHAITAN
Bejoy Nambiar’s Shaitan had a crazy psychedelic soundtrack with 14 original songs – some of which were instrumentals. Yet, each track had its own unique charm – be it Suzanne D’ Mello’s Amy’s Theme or the revamped Mr. India track, Hawa Hawai. Also, there was a lot of beer, weed, Kalki Koechlin in a two piece gyrating to it. Yeah, NOW you want to listen to it. Tharkis.
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2) DELHI BELLY
The other day, a random woman mistook me for someone else and whacked me saying,”Jaa chudail, I hate you (like I love you),” but very unsportingly called the security when I said I love you back! Aunty needs to chill in life. D.K Bose is obviously the highlight of the movie, with a refreshing garage feel. And they smash their instruments at the end of the video. How totally punk! Or thrash. Whatever.
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3) ROCKSTAR
All ye wannabe guitarists, trying to land women who’re way out of your league, proceed to the nearest theatre for a Do-It-Yourself-Rockstar tutorial– All you need is long unwashed hair and .. well .. that’s pretty much it. Well, that’s what I took home from the movie at least. Thankfully, the genius A.R. Rahman’s relatively epic music was a savior.
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4) RA.ONE
The saving grace of this not so super movie, was a pretty Kareena Kapoor in Akon’s ‘Criminal’ & ‘Chammak Challo’ – oh yes! SRK grooving to Akon’s voice. *facepalm* Another gem would be ‘Bhare Naina’. There is one bad outcome, however; Akon thinks he can cash in on Bollywood. And he probably will. Will he do his own rendition of Kolaveri Di? Its not an entirely unlikely idea…
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5) SAAT KHOON MAAF
One line is more than enough for this movie and it’s music – ‘Darrling, tere liye toh hazaar khoon bhi maaf.’ A stellar performance by Priyanka Chopra couldn’t save the movie, but Vishal Bhardwaj’s interesting score made it worthwhile.
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Other Contenders – ‘Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara’
THE BAD
Let me make it very clear – the following movies, in my opinion, had an average soundtrack unlike the category under which they’re being listed. Yes, I’m nice that way.
So, 2011 was QUITE the epitome of mediocrity. I mean, sheesh, this was probably the hardest category to shortlist albums under. Anyway, here goes nothing!
1) DESI BOYZ
Lesson No.108: Spelling ‘Boys’ as ‘Boyz’ doesn’t make you cool, irrespective of how good you are at throwing English thumkes in sync with the rhythm of your ‘dil’.
The movie indeed stayed true to one of its best songs ‘Subah Hone Na De,’ because by the end of it, jhak maar ke, I’d slashed my wrists, and it was a lone, starry night…
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2) MAUSAM
Mr. Pankaj Kapur, you had A-list stars in your movie, an interesting concept and a decent soundtrack by Pritam yet you managed to screw it up – and how! By the end of the movie, I was cringing so much in my seat that the theater attendants threatened to sue me for reupholstery. ‘Rabba Main Toh’ & ‘Sajh Dhaj Ke’ were probably the only hummable tracks.
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3) MERE BROTHER KI DULHAN
I believe I am echoing the innermost thoughts of countless men nationwide when I say this – If only I could find a dulhan like Katrina Kaif!
*sigh*
It’s true, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride. And how I would ride and ride and then some more! Horses, not Katrina Kaif. Surprisingly, though every song in the movie was good, the soundtrack still lacked an overall punch. But that’s okay, I guess, since most people were glued to the screen. Too busy drooling over the dulhan,eh?!
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4) LADIES V/S RICKY BAHL
‘Ricky Bahl baby, he’s smooth as silk
Before you blink this cat drinks the milk
…
Cons karne ki hai khujli
Chakma deke he’s out of there quickly’
Eventually, I gave into the not-so-subtle ‘charm’ of the ‘ingenious’ rap portions of this movie. It just had that effect on me. The music too was okay – incomparable to that of ‘Band Bajaa Baraat’ though.
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5) MURDER 2
A lunatic eunuch was the prime focus of the movie – thankfully, the music wasn’t. Compared to Murder, it was crap. By itself, it worked in parts. Only in parts.
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Other Contenders – ‘Pyar Ka Punchnama’,’No One Killed Jessica’,’Luv Ka The End’
THE UGLY
Downright disastrous – these albums shouldn’t have been composed at all.
Why, God, why ????
1) DAMADAMM!!!
Topping the horrendous list, Himesh Reshammiya’s movie had to have the worst album in all of 2011. A song in this movie describes my feelings perfectly : ‘No touching no touching, only seeing only seeing’. And what the hell was ‘I love you like mango’ !? We know Gujjus luuurrvvee their mangoes, but come on, keep your kinky fetishes to yourself, HR!
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2) BBUDDAH… HOGA TERRA BAAP (Yes – it’s unfortunately spelt correctly)
What was Big B trying to prove with this movie? Garish costumes, crappy acting, all of it ?! Vishal-Shekhar, who normally never disappoint, churned out a horrid album. The only silver lining here, besides the one in Big B’s beard, was that the music was commensurate with the movie – they both sucked big time!
Me thinks he patented an all new term altogether : late-life crisis.
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3) DON 2 – THE KING IS BACK
One of the reasons the original 2006 remake ‘Don – The chase begins again’ worked was because of its music. It had an interesting score with great variety. The music of Don 2 falls flat with a lot of theme / situational songs, and even the generally dependable Usha Uthup failed to impress with ‘Hai Ye Maya’.
Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy, y this foolery di?
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4) THANK YOU
I assure you no one said ‘Thank You’ to the makers of this film after watching it. Even the soundtrack was beyond crap. Especially when a classic song ‘Pyar Do Pyar Lo’ was remixed for this movie. Nor could Mallika Sherawat work miracles with her ‘Razia Gundo Mein Phas Gayi’. Tu phasi reh, Razia. No one cares! Except, probably, her snake-friends from ‘Hissssssss’. Yes, the music was soooo bad, thisssss is what I have been reduced to.
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5) LOVE U… MR. KALAKAAR
I’ve added this album for cheap thrills more than anything else.
There used to be a time when Rajshri Productions would generate fantastic movies with even better music – Hum Aapke Hain Kaun, Maine Pyar Kiya, Hum Saath Saath Hain and even Vivah – but the music of this movie, wait forget the music, even the movie is laughable. But since this is about the music, well, it was so bad, that one actually remembers it even while trying to forget it. Woe is me, and everyone else unfortunate enough to have heard it.
What’s happened to one of the most esteemed and prestigious productions houses of India? Seriously! Who names a movie ‘Love U.. Mr.Kalakaar’. Is that what the chick calls the dude during more intimate settings? Is it an innuendo for his kolhapuri chappals or something? *wonders*
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Other Contenders – All the remaining movies?! Just kidding.. not! Dil Toh Bachcha Hai Ji, Aarakshan, Chalo Dilli, Game, Loot etc. etc.
Shresht Poddar, when not sippin’ on his extra-old, extra-exclusive cognac flavoured cough syrup, graces the editorial panel of Score with his refined acumen about all things Bollywood. Having grown up in the mean streets of West Side JNS, his hobbies include bustin’ caps (during Diwali), hustlin’ hoes (he has a fully valid farmer’s license) and installing hydraulics in cars (the remote control kind).
