Everybody knows that journalistic research is not an exact science, its more of an art. And sometimes in art, you have to go the Jackson Pollock way and pretty much abandon reason and sanity and just.. splash stuff on a page. (Yeah, that’s about how we do all our research.) 

So I decided to just trype “songs about…” into google and collate the most memorable and/or hilarious results. 

Best Song About Babies

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This entry led me into dark lanes of baby shower bulletin and pregnantey sounding blogs, but I did discover this unbelievable song.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you… Des’ree (not sure how to pronounce that either.) This song is called, ‘Trip On Love.’ It starts with, ‘Mommy loves you, Daddy loves you, ain’t that good?’ and descends into a full blown acid trip with a baby in it. ‘Trip on, trip on love, trip on me’, says the mother to the baby, setting the case for perhaps the worst parenting in history. 

Best Song About Quitting Your Job

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Did you know that there are entire blogs dedicated to finding songs for you to quit your job? Sometimes, you don’t know whether to be amazed by or frightened at the awesomeness of the internet. 

Anyhow, while preusing these blogs I came across this jewel encrusted crab of a song. You might remember it as the office space printer breaking soundtrack. 

Also, Biz Markie clearly likes to spell the fuck out of things. Consider,” Yo, if your boss is a S-O-B, Tell him to S-H-O-V-E the J-O-B.” Also, “Put your middle finger up slowly. Put it close enough to his face so he can examine it closely.” 

And after all this, it goes into the breaking the news to your spouse. Again, torn between amazement and fear at the awesomeness of it. 

Best Song About Yo Momma

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This song is from Hot Stylz who are best known for not being known for anything. Except this song. Look, everybody enjoys a good yo momma joke, but this song is pretty much indefinable except for perhaps the eloquent words of Hot Stylz themselves,

“yo momma dirty, yo daddy dirty, yo sister dirty, yo brother dirty, yo dog dirty, yo turtle dirty.”

And so it goes, describing the familial, physiological and mental fallacies for a solid three minutes. I recommend playing this at any and all of your anneversaries. 

Best Song About Zombies 

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Everybody loves a good-natured zombie invasion. Well, everybody on the internet anyway. And how can you not a love a song called ‘Zombies Ate Her Brain.’

The song chronicales the tale of a girl from faraway and her fall from grace after the tragic loss of her brain to zombies. Its a hoot.